Memoirs of A Repentant Hooker: Episode 8

It rang 6.00a.m. sharp. . . Nothing’s constant like the precision of my alarm clock waking me up when it needed to.

Rising from the bed isn’t one of my favourite to do list events but staying too long on the bed could make me sick. . . Right! But staying on the bed all day long is Amaka’s most hideous hobby. She calls it ‘beauty rest’! lmao! How I wish that was really true; lazy Igbo girl!

The whole compound was silent except for the glorious sounds coming from Mama Seun and her husband’s quarters and that could only be one thing. Well, I am impressed Mama Seun could make him sound that way but I guess I make him yell!

“Really, early morning sexual fantasies?”

It was as if I was Riggan and there was a birdman voice but the difference is I wasn’t tormented but bullied by a voice
not an inch closer to Birdman’s but very much similar to Amaka’s.

“What?” I said facing her.

“Water. . . You make him yell!” she said spoiling her whole face.

“Never knew I said that out!”

“Well you did!”

“And I thought you were sleeping. . .”

“And I was until you started becoming weird. . .”

“I wasn’t fantasizing, I was just. . .”

“Devil, I bind you. Commot here abeg! Shoo!”

. . . And she literally shut me up.

“Well, I am not going.”

“Well, you will!”

I could see her aiming for under the pillow, whatever she was gonna bring, I don’t want to wait to see it, I dashed out
with my phone in hand, jamming the door behind me. I could hear her hysterical laugh.

“I’m glad you fear me babe cos I wasn’t going to bring out anything under that pillow except for my hair net which I
forgot to put on last night.”

“Go to hell!” I opened the door slightly and screamed back at her.

“I love you too!” she said back.

I hit the showers and that’s the only thing I love about the house apart from the kitchen. It has a ridiculous structuring; a self-contain where me and Amaka stays, more or less like a one-bedroom flat, it has a boys-quarters
with five rooms at the back where Mama Seun, her husband and two kids share a room, Mama Titi and her friend’s husband, literally, now her husband stays in another, Papa Chinyere, Mama Chinyere and Chinyere in one, Okon, Amaka’s unexplored virgin friend who I’m sure Amaka would end up deflowering one day stays in another and finally, Eliza who I think might be experiencing sexual abuse from his father with all those breasts dangling
around stays  in another with him. . . What a house setting I must say!

I laid in the Jacuzzi, soaked myself in bubble baths using my strawberry shower gel with my headset tightly held to my head, I hit the play button with Omawumi’s “Love Wantintin” blasting through my ear drums and it felt like heaven. Listening to her makes me soul come alive. She has this voice indescribable, I call it a designer-voice! If you hear Megbele, you’d know it’s her!

I was in this position enjoying the cool massage coming from the bath and shuffling songs between Omawumi’s
“Stay Alive”, “In the Music”, “Niger Delta 1” and “Megbele” for like 45 minutes. . .

Maximally satisfied, I ran a cold
bath; I love a cold bath after a long-stretch of warmness. I made for the room, Amaka was very much sleeping, she doesn’t pretend but a little side talk or comment wakes her up, she comments and trips off again.

I massaged my body gently with my luscious body lotion. It’s my most expensive beauty routine item after my
clothes and heels. I slipped into a jean trouser, a crop top, tied my hair in buns and I made for the sitting room. It was already fifteen minutes past 7.

I plugged in my phone to the speaker and I was blasting Mocheedah’s “Destinambari” featuring the king of Alobam, Phyno with all other songs
waiting in line after it. I made for the kitchen which was only separated from the sitting room by some fine carvings
of wood work in a cute and sexy way.

One thing was sure, I was hyper-active this morning but guess this was the good type. The only craving I have right now is scrambled egg, bread and coffee. I set to it with my Beyonce shaking to every blasting song. In less than five minutes, my scrambled egg was ready and in another two minutes, my coffee was ready and I never forgot to plan for the devil’s meal with mine. . .

Making the necessary cleanings, Solid Star’s Oluchi was blasting and I couldn’t resist the sweetness but had to switch on my Igbo dancing skills.

“Shoo! Na dance be that? What are you even good at sef. . . Sexual fantasies and scrambled eggs cos that definitely
smells nice.”

“Speaking of the devil some few minutes ago, I never knew she would be up so soon.” I fired back at her making my way to sit with my portion of the breakfast.

“Na me be devil o! but I won’t forget. Big sisters let things slide. . . Anyways, the dance wasn’t that bad. You tried.”

“Thanks. . . What’s up with waking up early?” I turned to face her only to discover she was off in the kitchen.

“Have you forgotten I have an appointment today? The event planning proposal I have to deliver. You know I am not the only one hoping to be awarded the contract.”

“So what time is your presentation?”

“10am and thereafter I am coming back home to sleep my head off. It’s just an hour presentation or even less than. ”

“You eating without brushing? No wonder your teeth is off-white.” I said going to the kitchen to drop my empty plate and cup.

“You know I tried to be so intimidated but I couldn’t be. You know why? Cos you don’t need a filter for these teeth. It’s whiter than your white pant!” she said, opening wide her canine and molars.

This girl is so disgusting, chai!

“And by the way, scrambled eggs and coffee is like kissing to me. You don’t remember brushing your teeth when you wake up in the morning say 4-5am and you slam your partner some crazy sloppy kisses. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do. The bathroom is waiting for you. Countdown to 10am.”

“Lest I forget, your coffee sucks, you need to learn from the best, and I am the best, queen of coffee.”

“Well, I am glad that sucked coffee fed your belly this morning and remember to tell your future husband when you feed him coffee as breakfast, lunch and dinner that you are the queen of coffee!”

“I need not do that, you can do that when you meet him for me. Crazy ass!” she said hitting me throwing splashes of water from the sink at me as she went off to the bathroom.

“Wow! Looks like someone treated herself to a wonderful bubble bath. . . and all those love songs you playing. . .”

“That was mere coincidence.” I fired back.

“Definitely!”

Then she stopped talking and all I could hear was splashes of running water. In less than five minutes, Amaka was out; the fastest ‘bather’ I ever know. The highest she ever spent in the bathroom is 5minutes 60seconds and that’s
approximately six minutes. Then she came out all dress in a white no-sleeved jumpsuit with her 7 inches braids all in
black tied in a bun, makeup and brows on fleek and her feet perfectly rocking a 3 inches blue heels and a neutral
coloured purse, Amaka rocks into the sitting room like a queen. It wasn’t only the makeup and brows that was on fleek, the jumpsuit put the nicki minaj behind her on fleek.

“Awwww! You gorgeous darling.”

“I know that.”

“You are a fool, you can just say thanks and stop feeling yourself.”

“You know I meant thank you and by the way, your Beyonce is beginning to compete with my Nicki these days, are you taking something for those kids?”

“You crazy!”

“So, what’s up with you and Jide? Are you guys planning to kick things off from where you left it?”

She asked sitting beside me on the sofa, facing me like she wants to lie-detect me.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” I said slightly smiling and trying to avoid her eyes.

“Wow! Are you kidding me? Why are you avoiding my eyes then?. . .

“Craze dey worry you. How do you even know about that?”

“Anyways, we would talk more about this when I get back but you have my full support in whatever your heart
requires; I just think you guys should take it a little bit slow and cook something before I get back.” She stood to leave.

“Well, I have a date for 4pm and I might not be at home not to talk of cooking for you.”

“Another date with Jide?”

“Yes.”

“Should I be worried?”

“Nope!” I stressed.

Then she sat for a while looking as if she’s gonna give an obvious pep talk.

“See, I saw you guys when he came around to drop you off last night. I know you guys had a lot of chemistry back then and I know it was two years of crazy adventures but I want you to take it slow. . . Whatever you are doing just remember he left without a word and now he’s back!”

“I know. . .”

“Okay, I have to go but wait, is he avoiding me cos he never came in to say hi. . . just saying!”

“No, he’s not. I didn’t know you were around. I was the one who told him you probably went out.”

“Okay. Later!”

*************

“Hi”

“Hello” I replied

That was Sola’s sister I guess. It was kinda weird, I mean this type of date judging by the fact that we were just getting back together and we were yet to define what this really is.

Jide didn’t tell me we were going for lunch at his parents. Too sudden I guess. Maybe he was overwhelmed in the excitement and he his trying to impress me. Whichever way, I am here already and it’s too late to turn back but I am definitely gonna make sure to tell him not to pull that kind of surprises on me again. I’m not used to it judging by the fact that I never met any of his family members through the two years ride and now, first time seeing each other in two years, the first place he brought me was ‘la familia’ . I can only pray the lunch goes well.

“This is Sade Jones, my sister. Our last born. She is in the University studying Food Technology. In her second year
actually.”

“Hi. It’s my pleasure to meet you.” I replied, facing the sister and exchanging handshake with her. . . Which lady does handshake? Except me! Handshake is typical guys.

“And this is my brother, Femi Jones, he’s the 3rd born, after me. He is in his finals at the University, studying Chemical Engineering.”

“And finally, this is my big sister, she’s the first born of the house, I came after her. She’s married and she came around to spend some days with Mum and Dad with her husband. She graduated four years ago with B. A. Mass.Communication and she’s an ace broadcaster. Her name is Kayinsola and this is her husband, Uncle Funso.” He said pointing towards them.

“And their little baby Folakemi.”

“Good evening ma, it’s a pleasure to meet all of you.”

“It’s our pleasure to meet you too.” They said in chorus.

It’s like they’ve rehearsed it but yet I was still a little bit uncomfortable. I am yet to meet the real goons of the house; Mr. and Mrs. Jones.

Finally, the table was set and we were all seated to eat when Mrs. Jones walked in and I greeted her warmly and she gave me a warm embrace not knowing who I am yet or maybe she does. . . the ex he had a 2 years ride with and bailed on cos I wasn’t the ‘take-home-to-mama’ type.

With everybody seated except Mr. Jones, but not for long as he walked in dressed in a top and short. His face looked familiar. Can’t remember where but I hope it’s not where I am thinking it is and I hope it’s just an assumption and that hopefully none of us has ever seen each other before. He sat down and was calm but I greeted him and he greeted me too.

Jide blessed the meal and he told his family he wanted to say something.

“Before we eat, I would want to introduce someone who all my siblings have met except you Mum and Dad. . She is. . . ”

“She is nobody!” Jide’s dad screamed.

Everyone was surprised and now it looks like my world was gonna crash.

“Dad!”

“Son!” He screamed back at Jide.

“This is no girlfriend of yours.”

“She isn’t my girlfriend yet dad but maybe soon but for now she’s just a friend. We just met again”

I really wished Jide hasn’t said that, that wasn’t necessary or maybe it was my feelings that was hurt.

“Well son, this is no friend of yours!”

“What’s going on here?” Jide’s elder sister, Kayinsola asked, facing her dad.

“Hey young lady, stand up, on your feet.” He screamed at me.

I couldn’t stand up, my feet were cold, it was obvious we had met in the course of my rendezvous but I can’t remember having anything to do with him.

“Do you remember me? Allen Venue, late last year, around 10pm?”

I was speechless still.

“You see son! This girl is a shameless whore! A prostitute. She sleeps with men for money and the sexual enjoyment.” He said facing Jide.

“And how do you know all of that Dad? 10pm? Allen Avenue? What were you doing there?” He said with his voice becoming violent towards his dad.

“I won’t have you question me in my own home or create unnecessary fuss over this prostitute here. This lunch is
over.”

“Shall we?” Jide’s voice beckon on me to stand up.

I left without a word. I was broken. Jide never said a word throughout the drive home. Even when he dropped me at
home, he never uttered a word or open the door of the car for me as he used to.

I sat for an hour in front of the house
speechless, sad and hurt.

The whole compound was extremely silent. It was becoming late, to 7pm. I decided to open my door. I came in, on the light to an huge display of fresh blood all over the rug and smelling hugely. I was scared. No one was around. Not even one neighbour. Has someone broken in? And by the way where’s Amaka? She was supposed to be at home. What has happened to her?

I dialled Amaka’s line countlessly, it wasn’t reachable. There’s a huge cause for alarm. Where’s Amaka? Who would I call now?

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