The Slam Book

Memoirs of A Repentant Hooker: Episode 10

The taxi I boarded home was exactly the kind I needed. The driver had dropped off all other passengers and I was the only one left at the back seat of the car. My knees were too weak to walk that I had no option but to opt for a taxi. I would have ‘flied’ a motorbike but I wasn’t ready for the jagging movements due to potholes. . . You know, there is really a difference between the potholes effect of a car and that of a motorbike. Amaka would always say “it’s a lie. It depends on the rider and the driver.” I quite agree with her; at times though.

Amaka couldn’t tell me what really went wrong before a Police Officer bumped in to tell me my time with her was
over. I never even spent 15 minutes.

Police Station is a ridiculous place to go. The thought of her spending another
night in that cell turns my stomach and she doesn’t even care. Even the response I got from the Police Officer about Amaka’s bail wasn’t even encouraging. Hmmmm. It is well.

The driver increased the volume of the music player and somehow somewhere, my mind found solace and strength in the Jim Reeves “ This World is not my Home” blasting from the stereo. It felt so warm and enchanting that all I wanted to do was spend the whole night in that car with the song on a repeat but unfortunately, I’m soon to drop off from the car.

The walk down my house felt so short and sweet, all thanks to the breeze and the silence of the street and the chattering of the moi-moi, eko and akara sellers. I wasn’t sure whether
to buy some as I really can’t figure out what to have for dinner. Maybe it was me, my appetite or both at work. What if
I buy and it go to waste? “ I’ll pass” I said.

Unfortunately for me, the compound was silent but a shinning image of someone a little plump, sitting on a
wooden stool and reflecting so much oil even in darkness was staring at me from afar. That definitely could be no
one other than Mama Seun. She’s white in the morning and like a shinning light in the evening. All thanks to ‘ori’ and
adi-agbon’. She’s a sorry case.

How would someone leave her home in the morning without moisturizing her body only to return in the evening to a moisturizing effect of shea butter and coconut oil without even taking a shower. I wonder how her husband has managed to stay with her for that long; 15 years or something. May be it’s because she’s the breadwinner and the husband is the breadeater.

Their marriage is like one’s demise is the end of the other. If Mama Seun dies today, Papa Seun is doomed and if Papa Seun suddenly woke up one day to a non-coordinating brain waves of his; telling him Mama Seun isn’t really good for him again or he wants to try something else; pauper like him, Mama Seun go just collapse because in her case, there are two things involved in Basketmouth’s voice. It’s either she bullies him to stay because she’s never gonna find a man who is gonna ‘just the way you are’ like Bruno Mars or who’s gonna give her great sex considering her horrific shape.

Sitting in darkness at odd hours when almost everybody are in their room chasing away mosquitoes, watching a movie, patiently waiting for sleep, gisting, gossiping, ‘straffing’ or strategizing for the next day has become a sort of daily rituals for her. Her boysquarters couldn’t contain her
anymore. God knows say I no get time for her wahala this night not even a pinch of ‘gbeborun.’

“Hey, welcome o! You look so tired, se ko si ? (hope no problem”)

“I’m fine Mama Seun. Just a little bit worn out from today’s stress.”

“Eh ya. Pele o. Try bath before you sleep o and take paracetamol if you have headache.”

You go fear adviser. She can’t even remember the last day she had a morning bath not to talk of a night bath. If only people can take the advise they give others. . . “I will Mama Seun. Thanks.”

“ O o ti e bere awon aburo e? (you no even ask of your siblings)”

“No vex. How dem dey o?” *like say na my mama born dem, she sha no wan sound like say na aproko she wan do.*

“Ehn ehn. Dem dey fine. Thank you.”

“Alright na.”

I made for my door; that’s the only thing I wanna do now; open it and crash wherever I found fit.

“Abeg, e don tey o wey I see Amaka for house. Hope say she dey alright? Abi she travel ni or she dey sick?”

Bad belle human being. No be only sick, na die she die.

Some people no get good thoughts for mind. Even some wey get, na 1 good thought, 2 terrible thoughts. I think Mama Seun fits that category.

“She dey alright o.”

“Okay. As I no see her na why I talk say make I just ask as per Jesus talk say, love your neighbours as yourself na. . .
But you never tell me where she dey.”

“Mama Seun, you know say I don tire. All that matters is that Amaka is fine. That info sef suppose do you now. I’d
see you in that morning. Good night.”

“Okay.”

I didn’t even bother looking at her face while I talked. It is said that ‘he who looks at the bride’s face will know she’s
crying.’ I knew what I said would have hurt her aproko body small but who cares. I have bigger problems right now than considering who is hurting over ‘gbeborun.’

I knew I was never gonna enjoy the night’s sleep. It was not because I would have to sleep all alone in the house but because I would have to sleep in the house with Amaka
passing the night elsewhere in an uncomfortable environment and situation. I threw my bag to the nearest
place it could find, I didn’t even bother removing my makeup, offing my clothes not to talk of taking a shower. I
made for the couch, laid face down waiting for sleep to come shut my eyes but I was determined to find out what
really happened the next day even if I had to make an appearance at the last place I couldn’t imagine myself.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Hi. Good morning.”

“Good morning. How can I help you ma’am?”

“Thanks. I am looking for someone who was admitted at this hospital. His name is Adewale Olusola.”

“Who are you to him? And is he expecting you?”

“I am. . .”

I wanted to say I am a friend which would definitely mean he is a friend but hell no he is not a friend. I am not angry. I would just love it to be that way but I definitely need to say something to get a bypass with the Nurse.

“Madam!”

“Oh sorry. I am an old friend of his *that sounds better at least. He was an old friend.*”

“Okay. You go straight then make a first turning by the right, the third room is where you’d find him.”

“Thank you.”

I had set out of the house early to find Sola even if it was the last thing I wanted to do but I actually have to know
what’s going on. I had took a quick shower, dress up in a short sleeveless top, a jean, a flat sandal and a black face cap as a shield against the sun as it turns out the sun sets out so early today. The fact that I haven’t received any call or a single text from Jide keeps bothering me even though I try to hide it. I like him but I have never been in a
relationship before and a guy-drama is the last thing I have patience for.

“He’ll call. . . He needs some time.” I keep telling myself.

I didn’t want to call Sola to find out where he was or to tell him I wanted to see him or something and Jide wasn’t on talking terms with him ever since that incident. It was like their friendship ended that day at the restaurant. I decided to call one of his friends who had told me where I could find him. . .

Staring at him on the bed with heavy bandage to his head and the surreal that radiates all over him while asleep
makes me wanna hit him with that bournvita can next to his bed but I thought I wasn’t angry. Maybe not at him, maybe at myself for allowing him do that to me. . . I decided to leave as he was asleep hoping he would be awake by the time I check back in the evening.

“Hi” he said holding my hand firmly like a resuscitated corpse who grabs the first thing he sees.

“So you pretend to be asleep too? Guess you pretend over almost everything in your life. Like you pretended to yourself that you did nothing wrong to me. Like you lie to
yourself ‘Sola forget about it, life goes on. . . this babe doesn’t matter. She can’t do ‘nada’. It’s a past you would
never need to face again. . .” You want me to go on?”

“Why are you here and how do you know where I am?”

“Seriously? You disgust me. I hate men like you who have ego over nothing. You wrong and you still wanna wear that 50 shoulder pads of yours? You still wanna pretend like you are the boss, you’ve got it all working, you’ve got it all together. . . You know, I don’t care about what you did, I am just sorry if you have to wait till you are in your 50s and you have to be responsible to your kids and be protective of your girl-child till you grow up and be responsible for once in your life. . . You know what, it doesn’t even matter. Here, iss the last place I wanna be so I would just go straight to the
point. What do you know about Amaka’s arrest?”

“You know you are so unnecessarily assuming. . .

“It’s okay Sola, seriously, I have so much I want to say to you but right now, it doesn’t matter. I’d appreciate if you
would just answer my questions.” I said with so much disgust.

“Fine. . . You see this bandage on my head, Amaka did this to me. I have been having severe and terrible headaches for like four days now non-stop.”

I sank my butts on the next available bed to me. Not that I was surprised and not like Amaka is violent but why she did I don’t understand.

“Amaka did this to you?”

“Yes, she did.”

“And you got her arrested?”

“Yes. . . “

“Are you kidding me? You got Amaka arrested? I am so wowed! That’s so interesting you know. You couldn’t have
done anything other that. If I were in your shoes, I would have done the same thing you know.”

“Exactly. I like the fact that you are being real.”

“You are a fool Sola. Oh! For whatever reason Amaka broke a bottle on your head I would find out but I am not sorry for you and for crying out loud, this happened in my house, my apartment. You had the gut to show your face in my house and you blamed Amaka for breaking a bottle on your head?”

I picked my bag to leave. I walked to the door and stopped to face him.

“I’m gonna make sure she’s available for bail. She’s not gonna spend another night in that horrible place and you
better make sure it’s easy. That same button you pressed to get her arrested, you better start pressing them now to
get her released. . . I pray you don’t get better.”

I jammed the door at him only to bump into Jide by the door.
“And what are you doing here?”

“Jide, please, let me be. Let’s talk some other time.” Very crazy of me to say right? I know. I was patiently expecting
to see him, hear from him and now I am trying to spoil it.

“You think I wanna talk to you or you think I wanna sit down and discuss that night with you? You must be kidding me. It’s not about then, it’s about now.”

“I don’t understand.” I replied actually feeling lost.

“Okay. I will make you understand. I presume this is where Sola is admitted right?”

“Yes. So?”

“I thought you guys were not talking; like you are not talking to him, you don’t wanna see him. . .”

“And I thought you guys were no longer friends. . .”

“It doesn’t matter if he is no longer my friend or if he is. It’s not like I hate him to the point of death. He didn’t offend
him, he offended you and I was just disappointed he did that and he couldn’t man up to it.”

“Okay. You should go see him then. I have somewhere important to be.”

He drew me back with his hands firmly gripping my hand.

“Jide, you are hurting me. Stop! For crying out loud we are in the hospital.”

“You will answer my questions. . .

“Jide, coming to see Sola is not what you think it is. It’s something much more important than that.”

“Really? Is that all you have to say?”

“Yea, for now!”

“Okay then. First, my dad has hooked you up before; now, you came to Sola! I don’t even know what to believe
anymore. Even if I wanna sit down to discuss that dinner with you; with this, I don’t think I want to anymore. . . You and Sola are both dead to me.”
He left angrily and I was obviously running after him.

“Jide, it’s not what you think. Why can’t you just be patient for once!”

He entered his car, wind up and zoomed off!

“Jide!” I kept on screaming his name till I couldn’t see him again.

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