The Slam Book

Memoirs of A Repentant Hooker ~ Episode 22

Entering the house was like trying to face a fear without breaking down before seeing it. I thought the once lonely house would become lively at the arrival Amaka but everything smelled lonely. Amaka who was lying on the couch had now become unapologetically reserved and yes, I want to break her head so bad and dip my fingers into her mouth if that was all I needed just to make her talk but Jide already warned me about going hard on her.

“How do you feel now?” I asked sitting next to her.

“I’m good, thanks.” She replied with so much coldness in her voice.

I ignored it, pretending I wasn’t hurt.

“What would you like to eat? Just mention it and I’d get it straight away.”

“I’m fine. I don’t want to eat anything. Thanks!” she said looking away.

“What is wrong with you? I’m trying so hard not to loose it and you are doing nothing but pushing me over the edge! It’s not like we are fighting or are we?”

She didn’t say a word but instead chose to stick her face into the couch.

“So you ain’t gonna say a word but give me the silent treatment? All because I said something about your rendezvous with the ‘so-called Doctor!’. . . When has that become a crime? I was only looking out for you even though I don’t know when it started but all you could have done is explain and not lock up your lips like it’s got some padlock holding it together. . . Maybe he’s taking advantage of you or something!”

“And do I look like a kid to you!” she fired back.

I knew the best way to touch Amaka wasn’t to go easy on her but to go hard as much as possible but in a sensible way as Jide advised.

“So what now? You are gonna talk to me or not?”

“You should probably go check who is at the door.” She said withdrawing herself into the couch all covered up under the duvet.

“Fine! But this conversation is not over!

“Whatever!”

I opened the door to the glaring eyes of Mama Seun and Mama Titi holding each other’s hand like two lovers having a walk in a park.

“Una don come?”

“We don come o my sister!” Mama Seun replied.

“This one wey una dey hold each other’s hands, hope say everything dey well?”

“All is well o! Na one movie wey we watch we dey try act out jare; no mind us!” Mama Titi responded.

“That one sef dey.” I replied.

“Ahan now! Which one be all these questionnaires, you no go ask us to come in?” Mama Seun fired at me rolling her eye balls like they were too big for the socket.

“My Ondo sister, you don dey vex be that o! Oya no vex. Forgive my manners. Oya make una enter.”

“Na now you just dey do like proper Ondo babe!” she said.

I walked in behind them literally raising my nose like it has some debris on it.

“Your house fine well well o! Why I never enter here since all these days na?” Mama Seun asked examining the whole house like a young lady from the village in Nollywood film brought to Lagos to come and do housemaid.

“Mama Seun stop na! You are embarrassing our place o!” I replied in a ploy to get her to say the so many things she loves to say. I’ve gotten so used to finding humour in her ‘can-be-nasty’ way of talking.

“Don’t say that again o! If person see better better thing like this make person talk and appreciate it ni o! You don’t need husband as you dey so!. . .” she sat her heavy backside on the couch directly to Amaka’s and the couch made a very deep sound like something too heavy for its head had landed on it. I’m sure Amaka is probably laughing under the sheets. . . She also got the vibe.

“No worry. Your seat no go break na! This one na correct fat; fat no dey break foam. Na bone dey break am. If to say na fat dey break am ni, that our bed for don dismantle o cos the climbing wey me and papa Seun dey do everyday no be here o!. . .”

“Shoo! Mama Seun, it af do na! Why are you sharing your boring sexual rendezvous with us na?” Amaka said sitting properly with the duvet off.

“So na you even dey there! I no know o! Abeg, no talk that thing again o! I hear say one of you sef don dey there before sef, so you suppose know wetin I dey talk na.”

Amaka rolled her eyes at me!

“Taah! Mama Seun no talk that one for here again o! Which kain crazy talk be that! Shey because I no come meet you for house that time when you come my door con dey rake for me say Eliza tell you say me and your husband dey do something. . . No provoke me o!”

“I just dey talk wetin this radio and dem other radios tell me na!” she pointed at Mama Titi.

“I go curse you o!” Mama Titi responded.

“Abeg, both of una, e don do! But seriously, why you no dey always talk; you go dey pretend say you gentle to the core and na lie. . . All those men wey dey take gate enter dey follow boys quarter commot, na everything we sabi and that your friend’s husband wey don turn your husband; no think say we no dey see you, we dey see you!” Amaka fired at her not caring if her feeling was hurt or not.

“Tell her! You see your life! Everybody knows.” Mama Seun said stylishly mocking Mama Titi.

“It af do! Your own sef dey your body. . .” I stressed.

“Abi o!” Mama Titi replied all laughing.

“Chai! Na both of una go kill una self. . . So which one we hear today o?”

“Well, first, we say make we come check on Aunty Amaka proper! And then make we come finish the gist wey we put on hold for afternoon.”

“Hmmm! That one sef good.”

“Well, thanks for checking on me and as you can see, I’m not doing badly.” Amaka replied.

“Make we move to the gist then.” Mama Titi said looking into Mama Seun’s eyes.

I swear ehn, I couldn’t contain my laughter. These women no too well. Both of them seated on the chair looked like the feminine version of Mr. & Mrs. Nwokpopopo.

“So go on with the gist!” I said.

“Well, where person go start from sef? Wo, make Mama Titi talk am cos na she dey house when the twenty naira people came to take Papa Eliza away.” Mama Seun said.

“Twenty naira people?” I asked feeling lost.

“Ehn now! The Abeg sir people. . . Police is your friend!” Mama Titi responded.

“So Policemen are twenty naira people?” I laughed; Amaka couldn’t hide hers too. It was great to see her laughing.

“Na wetin we dey call them be that.” Mama Seun responded.

“Ehn ehn! So they took Papa Eliza away in handcuffs?” Amaka asked.

“Yes o! Them drag am ni sef! Drag am enter black maria!” Mama Seun said.

“You dey there? You don see where Police come use Black Maria arrest someone for house before? Na me dey there, so allow me talk wetin I see o!”

“Oya no vex! Take the floor!” Mama Seun said.

“You people should be serious na. . .” Amaka shouted.

“Well, we dey very sorry. What happened be say, Papa Eliza was arrested and dem talk say e dey molest him Eliza.”

“Are you sure about what you are saying?” Amaka asked with so much interest and passion in her eyes.

“Yes na!”

“You know, I said it. . . I was worried such might be going on but is it not okay enough that you can’t properly provide for your child and to now add Molestation into it? I can’t imagine how she’s feeling right now.” I replied.

“So where’s Eliza herself?” Amaka asked.

“She has been at the hospital since last week. We don go check her for hospital but she dey shame. I pity the girl. . . her papa o!” Mama Seun said.

“Is it that bad?”

“It’s very bad o! I hope Papa Eliza rot for cell.”

“Amen!” we all said except for Amaka who seemed to be thinking about something.

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